Lioness & her new cub

The day my daughter was born was the day my life changed forever. The bubble I was in was so surreal. Looking at this little bundle of joy looking at me and me realising that she will now rely on ME for her entire life!! No pressure!!

I had felt like a strong person before having my daughter but I was always known as the person who was kind, selfless, always smiling and would do anything for anyone. Maybe this was my downfall! I was and still am a delicate person who would be taken for granted and anyone who knows me, knows I wear my heart on my sleeve. Having my daughter left my guard open so much.

3 days in a boiling hot hospital & not having any sleep due to my daughter wanting to stay awake all the time so she didn’t miss out on anything, made me hit the baby blues very quickly. I was so happy to see parents and best friend while in there to keep me going. Sleep was an unknown word. A hard part of my stay in hospital aswell as breastfeeding team stressing me out, I think also not being involved in many of my daughters first photos started to trigger something.

Am I just the one who’s given birth to pass over a perfect baby for photos or can I join in please! I hardly got including in photo’s and it started to feel hard like I was being left at the back of queue. Even when we got home; “I’ll hold the baby while you get some jobs done”…. erm??? NOPE!

Carrying your baby for 9 months & then people wanting to take your baby to give you a break 3 days after having her, really bothered me! Help was all that was needed & I started to be lead in a direction I didn’t want to be.

I think being vulnerable as a new mummy didn’t help and started the sad process of what was later realised to be depression and anxiety. Little did I realise I would be heading down this road of heavy emotions, CBT & medication but the question is does this make you stronger? It’s one hell of a learning curve I’ll tell you that! Let the journey continue! …

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